Twitch
by InuShinigami
Summary: William T. Spears did not ask for much from his coworkers: just calm and order. Simple, right? No. No, nothing could ever be simple, now can it? A series of random funny shorts and crack fics centered around all of our favorite Shinigami Dispatch employees...
1. Poor William

**_Author's Notes:_ Okay, so this was a sort of spur of the moment plot bunny thing. I used to write crack fics a LOT on my last account, and I've honestly been missing it. So, since I love the Reapers in Kuroshitsuji so much, I felt they would be the perfect centerpiece for a crack series!**

 **Now, this isn't going to have a particular order, and most of these are going to be random, unconnected instances in the Kuroshitsuji world. So, character cameos galore! If you have any suggestions or bits of randomness, let me know and I shall try to please~**

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 **Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji.**

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 **Chapter 1: Poor Will.**

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William T. Spears thought himself to be a simple being.

He did his job properly, filed all the necessary documents, and followed the rules to a tee. He did not ask for much from his coworkers: just calm and order. Simple, right?

"William _darling_?!"

No. No, nothing could _ever_ be simple, now can it?

A familiar, red-head came barreling towards his office, arms outstretched and a manic grin on his face. William merely sighed while standing in the doorframe, and just as the temp worker neared his office, he slammed the door shut. This was immediately followed by a loud thud of a body colliding with the door and a pained groan. "Oh, William, why?!"

"Go away, Grell."

He heard the handle begin to turn, and William simply reached forward and turned the deadbolt on the door. The handle jiggled, and a huff came out. "Why are you always so cold to me, William darling? Don't you love me?"

"No."

Cries of outrage and shock came from the other side of the door. Ignoring the sound, William stiffly turned around and strode back to his desk, hoping to get a dent into the massive pile of paperwork sitting upon the desk. The yelling soon was accompanied by a fist pounding upon the door, to which William clenched his jaw, but otherwise ignored as well. Though, after a few minutes of this…

… _Silence_.

William strained his listening, trying to ascertain if his coworker had actually left or not. The silence, though appreciated, did not necessarily mean that all was calm. But, William decided he could not care less. Let that pitiful excuse for a Reaper be someone else's probl—

A loud mechanical revving sound, followed the cracking and splintering of wood. William jumped up in shock, grabbing his Death Scythe before watching as a chainsaw stuck its way through his door. Soon, his door had been shredded to pieces, and a foot burst through, effectively kicking away what little remained of the once solid door.

Stepping through the remaining framework, the red-head looked towards William with utter glee, such as a child trying to show off to his- or her, as Grell proclaimed- parents. Clutching the chainsaw close to his chest, Grell proclaimed, "Oh look~! My custom death scythe finally came in! Isn't it _gorgeous?_! And oh, I just _love_ all of its vibrations…" Confusion crossed the exuberant Reaper's face. "William darling, you look a bit red in the face? Love the color, but are you possibly ill?"

William's eye twitched.


	2. It

**_Author's Notes:_ I really need to update this story more often. I keep forgetting about it. Anyway, just a simple little update to ensure that I have not forgotten this story. I have a funnier chapter planned that should be up by the end of the week. I just had to write ****_something_** **cause I'm having writer's block on my other story.**

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 **Disclaimer: I do not own Kuroshitsuji.**

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 **Chapter 2: It.**

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Walking down the street, William calmly observed his surroundings, enjoying the rare quiet.

He had just finished his soul collections at one of the nearby hospitals, and now that his shift had ended, he decided to indulge himself with a few minutes of contemplation. The serious reaper enjoyed these scarce moments, and he would take advantage of them whenever he could. Because he knew that soon—

"Excuse me, sir."

—the peace would break.

Giving a low sigh, William reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose, mentally cursing whatever higher power that enjoyed tormenting him so. "What do you want, _Demon_? I am currently off-duty."

Finally turning around, he saw the familiar face of the Demon he had crossed paths with a few months ago. The butler for that child, the one involved in the Ripper fiasco. He had on an unnerving close-eyed smile, his head tilted ever so slightly while he casually tossed a familiar figure at his feet. "Your vermin keeps ending up on my Young Master's property," the demon butler remarked casually. "I ask that you _please_ keep _it_ on a tighter leash, or else I shall have to exterminate him myself."

Huffing as he regarded the bruised and battered form on the ground, William irritatedly stated, "Were we not already so understaffed, I would tell you that I do not care." Lifting his gaze to meet the smirking butler's eyes, he stiffly added, "I shall handle it."

"Oh Sebas-chan~!" the figure wearily crooned from the ground. "You play so rough…"

The butler's eyes widened before he shuddered. For a moment, William actually felt sorry for the demon being the latest victim of the flamboyant reaper's attentions. Then, he could not help but feel a vindictive glee at the Grell induced trauma that the butler had received. Glancing towards the stoic reaper, the butler asked, "Has he _always_ been like this?"

"Since the academy. We were in the same graduating class."

"How on Earth do you put up with _it_?"

Sharply nudging the barely conscious Grell with his scythe, William absently responded, "With migraine remedies and steel reinforced office doors."


End file.
